Top Five Reasons Why Donna Fyre Missed this year’s Pride Parade

5. Up late partying the night before with the Pension Board.
4. Stunt-double called in sick.
3. What? You don’t have a Donna Frye impersonator?
2. Was having a “Conversation with Nicole.”
1. All kidding aside, the LGBT community is very important to me, and I believe my voting record matches my words. Please understand, however, that after giving 110% to my city council job and campaign for mayor, I needed a day off to spend time with my family, get some much needed rest and prepare for a very busy council docket. I apologize if I disappointed you by not being there in person.    (I guess we oughta cut her a little slack, huh?)