Lair Davis (Our Man in Costa Rica)

Where to Retire in the United States?

Well, the answer for me was … nowhere! I chose Costa Rica, and I am glad I did. The noise level is not as bad as I made it seem in last week’s column. Tonight it is peaceful and beautiful, with tiny lights sprinkled down through the canyon that I view from my picture window, and the lights continue far up into the mountains. There was an unbelievable sunset this evening — even the birds stopped flitting around and came to rest and watch. There were clouds creeping over the mountains as the sun neared the crest and they were glowing pink and blue and green and yellow and orange.

I chose Costa Rica for the beauty, for the climate, for the healthcare, for the cost of living, for the warmth of the people, for the adventure of it all.

I did not make the decision to come here lightly. I had considered staying in the United States.

I lived in San Diego for more than 25 years. If I were a rich man, I would have retired in San Diego. If I were not a rich man, I would still consider it. I suggest that any gay person considering retirement go and live in San Diego for a while and check out its friendly neighborhoods.

San Diego does indeed have a very vibrant gay and lesbian community. I used to be a “mover and shaker” in that community — actually, a bit more of a “shaker” than a “mover.”

Politically, San Diego is nowhere near as rightwing as its national reputation. The suburbs are a tad to the right, true enough, but the city itself is just as liberal as many others in the United States. New State Senator Chris Kehoe of San Diego is my old buddy from the days when she and I edited the San Diego Gayzette together. (Our advertising representative in those glorious days of the 1980s was Ann Garwood, the owner of this very website).

Isn’t Bonnie Dumanis — a lesbian and a Republican, I believe! — the district attorney? Or has she been termed out of office already? Perhaps I have her confused with someone else? Anyone want to enlighten me?

Then there is Toni Atkins, one of the most popular city councilmembers in San Diego, who happens to be a lesbian. Yep, in San Diego lesbians rule!

And hold your breath, Donna Frye just might still pull off the upset of the century (this one and the last one combined!) and become mayor of San Diego. Can you imagine? A fairly radical leftist, environmentalist, 50-plus-year-old surfer babe as mayor! Ya gotta love it!

So, San Diego should be on anyone’s list who is thinking about retirement. If you can’t afford to live there (and it can be very expensive to live there), you could live in Tijuana, Mexico, which is 17 miles south and not as bad as its reputation. It is actually quite a vibrant city in its own right!

Number two on my list of retirement cities would be — you are not going to believe this one! — Madison, Wisconsin. Cold as hell, you betcha! But it has been that way forever, so the city, its residents and its infrastructure is prepared for it like no other place I’ve been. Buses go everywhere — warm, well maintained buses. There are the University of Wisconsin and the State Capitol within sight of each other, which raises the intelligence quotient for the entire city, and also the cultural level.

During the Vietnam War, when Saigon fell to the Vietnamese way back in the early 1970s, the citizens of Madison staged a spontaneous march (led by Bonnie Raitt, by the way), and the next day the city council renamed the city’s main thoroughfare “Ho Chi Minh Trail.” Any city radical enough to do that can’t be all bad, eh?

Albuquerque is another city I would consider. It is big enough, and I just like it.

Corpus Christi, Texas, is a coastal city of about 300,000. Don’t write off Texas. There are actually some fairly nice places there to consider. It is also warm most of the year — if not downright hot!

The problem with finding a suitable place for retirement in the United States appears to me to be complex. Most places that are affordable simply get too cold for old bones — at least, THESE old bones — and places that are affordable and DON’T get too cold tend to be in the South, which is a region of the country in which I simply have no intention of ever living. Been there. Done that. And to quote Mr. Bob Dylan, “What else can you show me?”

Canada is nice. Too cold. Foreign residents are ineligible for nationalized healthcare, and private healthcare is too expensive.

Mexico is nice. I just don’t feel very secure when I am there. As a gringo in Mexico I have always felt as if I were walking around with a “kick me, beat me, rob me” sign on my rear end.

Dominican Republic? Lack of commodities and services that I consider necessary for my standard of living.

Jamaica? Too homophobic. No self-respecting gay person would even consider vacationing there. (Yeah, yeah, I know, lots of gay people go to Jamaica on holiday. Lot of gay people have no self-respect, either, in my not-so-humble opinion.)

Other Caribbean countries? Too expensive, too small.

So, I am glad I am here in Costa Rica. Tomorrow, when I go for my walk to town (about three kilometers — it does the heart good!), I will pass along my way some of the most pleasant and charming people I have ever met. And I haven’t actually met most of them.

They will smile and say, “¡buenos dias!” — “¿como amanecio?” — “¿come le va?” — every single one of them. (“Good morning!” — “How did you wake up?” — “How’s it going?”)

Some will drive by and give a little toot on the horn as they smile and wave at me. It still surprises me. I wonder who they are. What they want. They do not know me. They greet everyone that way.

When I come home after visiting with my expatriate friends in the city park and over coffee to a nearby cafe, I’ll take a taxi. I do not know who will be driving it. But of one thing I am sure:

He will welcome me into his cab with such a charming and warm smile that I will delight in remembering it all through the rest of the day.

Pura vida.