Lair Davis (Our Man in Costa Rica)

Remember Lair Davis? He was the founding editor of several queer newspapers including the San Diego Gayzette (1982), Gay Times (1988) and Gay/Lesbian Nation (1990). Lair moved on to other community challenges in San Diego before moving to Santa Cruz. In June 2004, the award-winning “Lair About Town” columnist retired to the tropics of Costa Rica. HillQuest is tickled and proud to return Lair to San Diego every week to share his views and ideas. Feel free to email him.

January 28, 2005

The Struggles of Language

My mother will be 90 years old this year — if she lives until November, that is. She and her family acknowledge that as a big “if.” For several years now she has lived in a nursing home. Her physical self has been deteriorating at a steady pace for some time. Mentally, she is still fairly sharp, although it is not always easy to realize that.

The problem is her speaking. She doesn’t have occasion to talk too much. The other residents in the nursing home tend to chit-chat if they speak at all. “Deep” conversation is rare for her, not that she was ever much of an intellectual. Many folks who spend the majority of their lives as stay-at-home housewives are not.

Mom speaks very slowly, with long pauses as she struggles to remember or enunciate the word she wants to say. It is very difficult for her listeners not to “feed” her the words for which she is searching, although it must be better to let her uncover the expressions herself.

It is such a painful situation, for her and for those of us who love her. We want to help her think, but we cannot. We can only “fill in the blanks” as needed, which she insists she doesn’t mind us doing. I wonder if that is so.

I am experiencing somewhat the same situation as I study and try to speak Spanish here in Costa Rica. I struggle to find the words I need to converse with my Spanish-speaking neighbors. Most appear appreciative of my efforts to communicate in the language of the country where I live. So many English-speakers simply do not try, which amazes me. Just another example of our arrogance, I believe — AND our insecurity.

As I struggle to speak Spanish, with my listeners gently coaxing and providing an occasional word or grammatical correction, I wonder at their patience. Mine is sorely tried when I speak with Mom. I so appreciate my neighbors’ support, though.

Yesterday, I took a taxi to a nearby town. I wanted to find a certain business but communicating to the driver that I really didn’t know where we were going was a struggle. As usual, the driver was courteous and helpful.

Once I had found the store and completed my business, the waiting taxista returned me to my home. While paying the fare and gathering my purchases from the backseat, I thanked him profusely for his assistance. He looked at me, smiled, and said in perfect English, “Sir, it was my pleasure to assist you. I appreciate your learning to speak our language. You are doing so very well. Have a nice afternoon.”

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