Lair Davis (Our Man in Costa Rica)

Remember Lair Davis? He was the founding editor of several queer newspapers including the San Diego Gayzette (1982), Gay Times (1988) and Gay/Lesbian Nation (1990). Lair moved on to other community challenges in San Diego before moving to Santa Cruz. In June 2004, the award-winning “Lair About Town” columnist retired to the tropics of Costa Rica. HillQuest is tickled and proud to return Lair to San Diego every week to share his views and ideas. Feel free to email him.

March 18, 2005

What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate

I think that wise ol’ philosopher Paul Newman said that (in one of his movies).

I’m having a “failure to communicate” with my barber here in Costa Rica. It happened again today. Wow! Do I ever look like a native now!

For several months I have been asking him to cut my hair very short. Since I have been using the wrong Spanish word for “short,” however, what I’ve been telling him is that I don’t want my haircut to last very long. Not the same thing — darn near the opposite, in fact!

There are two words (at least) that can express the concept of “short” in Spanish: “bajo” (short in length) and “corto” (short in duration).

“Un hombre bajo hizo un viaje corto.” The short man took a short trip.

Well, now I know the right word, but the barber still doesn’t cut my hair short enough. I had this same problem with barbers in the States. I decided that they didn’t really want to cut my hair very short for fear I wouldn’t return often enough.

My friend Irvin bought himself some clippers. He just zaps his head every few days, and it’s done. Irvin is in his 80s, and no one pays much attention to how much hair an 80-year-old man has, or whether or not it is styled appropriately. “The only important thing is to keep the darn stuff out of my eyes,” he told me.

Gay men are so vain. We have a hard time letting go of our youth and our looks. And gay (male, not lesbian) culture is so visual — looking good is so important — too important, I believe. Men of all sexual persuasions, they say, are visual when it comes to sex. You don’t find many men wanting the lights turned off when they are making mad, passionate love. Better to add a spotlight! Video and magazine pornography feeds this visual thing men have.

Finally, I have let go of the need to “look good.” In the States, once you are 60, your looks do not matter much at all. To young people you are all but invisible once you reach a certain age. And gay culture is nothing if not youth-oriented.

That is not so true here in Costa Rica, where age is still valued for its assumed wisdom and experience. I have found quite a few younger gay men who prefer older partners — and not just “rich gringos,” either!

I don’t have to spend too much time anymore preparing my appearance before leaving the house. My need for “mirror time” is minimal. As long as I am decent, not dirty, and dressed respectfully, then I am ready to go — wherever.

This haircut business, however, is difficult. I know why I want it cut so very short: I don’t like to have to search for a comb in the morning or need to carry one with me all the time. But let’s not kid each other here. The main reason I want it short is so that my bald spot will blend into the rest of my dome. Ah, vanity!

I wonder where Irvin bought those clippers. Do you suppose it will be difficult to learn to use them?

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Interested in your own trip to Costa Rica? Get off the “tourist trail” while $aving time/money with your own travel consultant. Lair would love to help you plan your holiday of a lifetime. He’ll even be your guide in his tropical paradise! Email him to discuss your trip.