Lair Davis (Our Man in Costa Rica)

Remember Lair Davis? He was the founding editor of several queer newspapers including the San Diego Gayzette (1982), Gay Times (1988) and Gay/Lesbian Nation (1990). Lair moved on to other community challenges in San Diego before moving to Santa Cruz. In June 2004, the award-winning “Lair About Town” columnist retired to the tropics of Costa Rica. HillQuest is tickled and proud to return Lair to San Diego every week to share his views and ideas. Feel free to email him.

April 15, 2005

Let’s Talk About Sex

One of your favorite topics, no? Me, too.

I don’t think about it as much as I used to, however. Hey, I’m approaching 64; give me a break!

A sexual thought crosses a man’s mind about every 15 seconds. That’s what I read somewhere. How on earth could researchers measure such a thing? Sound right, though.

I’ve slowed down. I probably only think about sex every 30 seconds, más o menos. I don’t mind really. It was exhausting how much I used to think about it.

United Statesians are so conflicted, so schizophrenic about sexual matters. Really, the whole world is, I believe, although some cultures seem to have a healthier attitude about it than others.

In the United States, sex is both a subject which “dare not speak its name” and the major focus of almost every advertising campaign, every television program, every popular song, every conversation.

We tell our kids not to think about it, much less do it, while bombarding them with sexual messages constantly. Is it any wonder in such a schizophrenic society that fundamentalist Christian ministers and Roman Catholic priests are constantly being caught with their pants around their ankles?

Costa Ricans appear conflicted about sex as well, but in different ways. I am constantly amazed at the number of store windows here where underwear is on display, both for males and females — and most provocatively so! Why, one would think this little country had been overrun by Frederick’s of Hollywood outlets! And, boy, do they ever stuff those skimpy little male briefs on display to passers-by! Undoubtedly, it increases sales.

Women here dress extremely provocatively and yet many get upset when the result is catcalls and “piropos.” Every woman under the age of, say, 50 is overdressed if her navel and half her bosom is not on display atop those pants that must be painted on.

Cruising is common here — men cruising women, women cruising men. Women cruise other women, also, and men certainly cruise other men. Hey, the men even cruise the sheep, chickens and monkeys!

In the United States, usually when a gay man cruises a nongay man, the heterosexual is clueless, I believe. If he does notice, he gets upset. Embarrassed? I don’t know, maybe. Still, I don’t believe a nongay man in the United States on most occasions is even conscious of the fact that he is being cruised.

Here in Costa Rica, when you cruise a heterosexual man, he is absolutely aware that you are doing so — and as far as I have experienced, he doesn’t seem to mind in the least. On many occasions, a cruise will result in him flexing and strutting a bit more for your benefit.

Men in Costa Rica (in Latin America?) live in a Roman Catholic-influenced culture — where sex outside of marriage is a well ignored no-no. Latin men appear to me to have developed a private world where they cheat in marriage and have sexual flings of all sorts. Almost all of them do it, all of them know that other men do it, and many of them even talk with other men about some portion of their private sex life. By having any sexual experience outside of marriage, the man has broken the big Catholic no-no. How much worse can it be, then, if on occasion you have a little homosexual fling? Not so often that you go blind, mind you, but often enough that you know what to do and how to do it.

I am sure there are Latin men who will become outraged over what I have just written. These are generalizations absolutely. I am not a psychologist, a social researcher — what do I know? I’m just a homosexual man living in Costa Rica with his eyes open.

# 1

(6.25)

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(7.09)

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(7.23)

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(7.30)

# 7
(8.06)

(8.13)

(8.20)

(8.27)

(9.03)

(9.10)

(9.17)

(9.24)

(10.01)

(10.08)

(10.15)

(10.22)

(10.29)

(11.05)

(11.12)

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(11.19)

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(11.26)

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(12.3)

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(12.10)

# 26

(12.17)

# 27

(12.24)

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(12.31)

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(1.7)

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(1.14)

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(1.21)

#32

(1.28)

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(2.4)

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(2.11)

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(2.18)

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(2.25)

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(3.4)

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(3.11)

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(3.18)

# 40

(3.25)

# 41

(4/1)

# 42

(4/8)

Interested in your own trip to Costa Rica? Get off the “tourist trail” while $aving time/money with your own travel consultant. Lair would love to help you plan your holiday of a lifetime. He’ll even be your guide in his tropical paradise! Email him to discuss your trip.