Lair Davis

 

What can I tell you about being gay in Costa Rica? Well, first off I must say that I am less “out” here than anywhere I have been in the last 40 years, although I don’t feel I really have to be. I spent a good portion of my life as a gay activist, a “career queer,” a “professional homosexual.” I burned out, to some degree, I think.

Being involved in gay culture has become quite unimportant to me as I have aged. I seldom go to a gay bar, primarily because I used to have to go to them as part of my job as writer of the “Lair About Town” newspaper column. I’ve also become quite disillusioned with “gay kids” today, who haven’t a clue about their history, which I fear they may be doomed to repeat if the US continues on its current road to becoming the theocracy of “Jesusland.”

When I first began coming to Costa Rica some 20 years ago, I visited many of the gay bars and did more than my share of the available young men here. I still do on occasion; when the urge comes upon me, I head for the big city of San Jose to indulge myself. There are three men who I see with some regularity. It is so nice to live in a culture where aged men are not invisible and actually respected and considered attractive by many.

I am definitely out of the “scene,” however, so I cannot say where the happening spots are this week.

Most gay life in Costa Rica is spent in the capital city of San Jose, the only really large city in the country. There is no “Castro” neighborhood there, however, although there are areas where gay people congregate more so than in other places. There are quite a few gay bars.

One beach area has become a bit of a “gay mecca:” the community at the entrance to Manuel Antonio National Park and the nearby town of Quepos. It is “gay,” however, primarily for international tourists — most Costa Ricans simply cannot afford to visit this area very often. It is quite expensive as things go here (although not really expensive compared to any similar spot in the United States).

At Manuel Antonio there are several gay-owned and operated hotels and restaurants (with young gay Costa Ricans working in them). There are also a a couple of gay bars and the only nude beach in the country (which is strictly a gay spot).

This month, gay Costa Ricans in San Jose will celebrate Gay Pride for the third time. Imagine what it was like in San Diego when Gay Pride was celebrated for the third time, and I think you’ll get an idea of where the Costa Rican gay community is in its development: somewhere in the early ’70s. The drag queens are leading the way, of course (just as they did in the US), and the daily newspaper splashes their pictures on its front page. You must be very brave to show up at this event, because the TV cameras will shine their lights right on you for all your family and friends to see.

Despite their sexy ways of dressing, dancing and living life in general, Costa Ricans are really quite conservative in matters of sex. Actually, they are “hung up” on sex.

A survey last year indicated that 60 percent of Costa Rican women do not have an orgasm during sex, while 80 percent of Costa Rican men suffer from problems such as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. And you can bet they are not discussing these problems. They are really quite shy about sex. “Don’t ask, don’t tell” — absolutely — but “do it” at every opportunity.

If an individual voluntarily exclaims that he is gay, the revelation will be greeted with bafflement in Costa Rica. A Costa Rican simply will not understand why you have chosen to reveal something so personal. They won’t particularly judge you or disapprove, but they will be truly baffled. A gringo who shows anger or raises his voice in this culture is met with the same reaction. Costa Ricans do not argue, show anger or raise their voices ever, and they do not understand those reactions.

I believe gay people can behave in Costa Rica as they normally would anywhere without being met with any adverse reactions, unless a couple walks down the street holding hands or otherwise displays affection openly. Costa Ricans are not going to inquire into your private life at all. They don’t want to know. They do not intend to share their private lives with you, either. Just don’t force a confrontation. However, even if you do, I can guarantee that it will not be met in an openly hostile, and certainly not in a violent, manner. Mostly, it will just embarrass them.

In dealing with gay Costa Ricans socially, you must remember that the average citizen makes less than $400 per month in salary. Even most professionals earn just a little more than that. Costa Ricans see gay norte americanos come to their country and spend with ease, and they jump to the conclusion that we are all very rich (which we are, compared to them).

What this means is that a gay Costa Rican will expect you to pay for everything. They are not hustling you when they expect this. It just seems logical to them. Costa Ricans are very democratic and believe in equality among all people (their President stands in line at McDonald’s just like everyone else and is called by his first name). Equality means “what is yours is mine” to a Costa Rican. Can you see how they might assume that you will pay for everything?

Many gay men who visit here feel that they are being hustled at all times. They simply do not understand what it is like in the “third world.” Costa Rica, despite what you might have heard and read and will see on the “tourist trail,” is definitely “third world.”

This is not Hawaii South. It is not Florida. It is not Puerto Rico. It is another country entirely. Gay people, do not come here expecting a vibrant gay life. You are not at home. Yet.